Bet You'd Wear Them Well......

Immediately after reading this article in The Jerusalem Post, I jumped to my feet. Realizing the spot he now finds himself in, I sent my buddy Ehud a rush gift I think he is going to find essential given these tricky circumstances.

I just got back in from Overnite Fed Ex. Yeah, OK, it's pricey premium shipping to Jerusalem, but this is too important for a real friend to overlook. I'll someday be revered for this noble gesture by all humanity.

Here's a copy of the letter I enclosed with "the package":

Dear Ehud,

After reading the article today in the Jerusalem Post I knew instantly what I had to do. I hurriedly drove into town to the local city "Supply Store" and bought you the gift you obviously need now like never before.

Aw... come on, now. It's your bud, DI... You know I know about the childhood tennis accident and how things turned out. Remember that cruel pic the kids at school snapped when you were in the showers after gym class, copied and gave to everybody? I don't discuss what we all knew growing up, I'm just trying to help you out knowing what's what... and what's not. Just having some fakeys isn't enough, they need to at least appear big!

I mean, don't ya' think people were beginning to talk after that embarrassing world viewed whoopsy you had last summer with those Hezzies? With over 90% of your citizens backing all out war, you pulled up stakes and hauled ass! What do you think people are going to immediately think? Yup... uh huh. Another stunt or two like that and people are going to start digging into the records... Things won't be good if they find out.

And with big words like those recent ones about Iran, somebody is going to be checking for some growth somewhere, ya' know? You better be able to back it up if your skirt's up, Ehud! Not just Israel, but the whole world is watching you... good guys and the bad.

Now I tried to make sure they fit by getting the smallest "post hole" size they offer (that size was only available from Paris... Man, if anybody knew that they'd for sure know they are fake!) Anyway, the 'neckstrap' looks like a pretty good match to that old copied school locker room photo I still have. And for goodness sake, if it's a loose fit, put a harness on just to be sure. I'm telling you, you need these, Ehud! It's been the real problem all along!

Oh, and make sure you wear them, you know... walk around with them for awhile before going out in public again... You need some time, some serious time to get used to them, but once you do, they'll be your best friends forever!

Who's looking out for you?

DI

*UPDATE*

Hey! You didn't listen, did you??