Summer, Summer, Summer...

I despise the humid, hot, black fly/mosquito/spotted wing fly infested dog daze of Summertime. You can't even complete toweling off after an ice cold, deep Maine water shower before breaking into a fresh, drenching sweat. God did not build man to endure such harshness easily... and I don't. Afterall, there is nothing beyond naked to effectively enhance body cooling, and even liberals do not generally condone full exposure in public places these days, sans perhaps those in Vermont.





That being said, I will also concede that there are some things that are actually appealing about the season. For example, I delight in sarcastically reminding those who are well known to relentlessly bitch and complain during the winter months that perhaps a couple of feet of fresh, powdery snow doesn't sound so bad on a day when it feels like you have a seemingly endless brook trickling down the crack of your butt.





One of the most popular refrains in our tiny stores and post offices where people exchange daily niceties is "Hot enough foh ya'?"... To which I reply that it is hot enough for me when the mercury crests 35° F.!!





Is it not incredible and beyond explanation that these professed 'heat seekers' can possibly have any justification for their complaints, after six to eight months of lamenting the climate change that arrives religiously in these parts each September? Incredible yes, but the explanation surely resides in the fact that these same individuals have air conditioned homes, automobiles and workplaces. They don't live, drive or work in the heat for the greater part of their summer days. They, too, are the same ones who will wail and howl about the ocean temperature at their 98° beach being only 45°!





Huh??? What's WRONG with you people? It is God's provision for a natural rescue service from this simulated hell! The ocean is too cold??? Well, stand up in the ambient air temp for something surpassing 15 seconds and you will be ready to plunge back into the ice water!





The bigger question, that looms in the mind of the truly coherent, would be why these folks are living here in the first place? If they crave this type of incessant thermal torture, there are a multitude of locations that supply it in copious and regular amounts throughout the majority of the year. It is NOT the norm here. Thankfully, when this repressive heat makes its' brief but annual arrival in these northern parts, it is imported. The solution to provide these deranged folk with the oven they seek to exist in is I-95 South!





And on that note, I wish to provide them with a mantra to spread amongst their neighbors and aquaintances...





"Leaving Maine? ...Take a Friend!"





God bless those who remain behind with a smile and the longing for crisp, dry breezes laced with snow flakes and visions of winter activities in the coming joyous months of Autumn and Winter. Man can and does conveniently blanket himself with insulating layers of cotton, down and GORE-TEX®. Well planned, this allows him to move freely and happily amongst a climate that invigorates rather than fatigues.





If man were meant to live easily in Summer's cruel heat, God would have designed and installed hide-away air conditioners within each as factory equipment. He did not, and therefore I declare Summer a sick aberration straight from the mind of the Devil himself. Alas, endurance and strong will are our only hopes through the long days of Summer.





Meanwhile, the wife manages to grow some fairly spiffy flowers here and there, too. If only they were ice-proof...